Why? Do I keep repeating my core philosophy

The answer is very simple. "We are what we think".

Why? Do my feet feel like I'm walking on egg cartons

It began with a very difficult choice I had to make. So difficult that I could not go to sleep that night. Well maybe a few minutes around 5 a.m. And so it went for 7 days in a row. Somewhere along the line one night I had an entire body heat flash(like a total niacin flush). And the next day, my legs began to itch. One problem was that days 6 and 7 were on the weekend. I finally got into see the doctor. He did not know what was happening to me, but prescribed prednisone and Ambien for sleep(I have taken ambien nightly for the past 7 years).

The itching turned into a burning in my feet. I remember attending the Kansas State vs California game and feeling that my feet were buried in hot sand. By the way, Ambien saved my life because through it all I have been able to sleep.

I was finally was diagnosed with Idiopathic Small Fiber Peripheral Neuropathy. I suffer 24/7 with burning in my feet, lower legs, a bit in my hands and arms and in my face and times in my mouth.

I take 800mg of Gabapentin 3 times a day. It helps about 20%.

I think around 2% of the population has some form of neuropathy. Neuropathy involves the immune system attacking the nervous system. It is a very cruel disease. Mine is idiopathic, meaning that the cause is unknown. It progressed very rapidly and I thought I was dying, but the progression slowed and I am still functioning for example, still playing golf.

You may ask or should ask, how are you able to survive this and the answer is

"you may beat me,but I am not beaten. I cannot be defeated or beaten by anything or anyone. I will never,ever give in or give up. Even in death I am not defeated".

Remember, "we are what we think". I choose to ignore my illness and focus on helping to raise my grandchildren, occasionally play some golf and religiously follow the Kansas State University Wildcats.

Why? Is your adversity really, really bad?

It would be beyond rare if someone faced no adversity in life. But there are degrees of adversity. Compare the denial of luxury to the denial of necessity, the denial of any sort of health care to poorly performed health care, the death of a pet to the death of a family member, the loss of a job to the loss of ability to perform that job, an illness to a terminal illness.

The degrees of adversity are proof that life is not fair and it really all comes down to how we handle adversity. The approach, do we handle it on our own, do we have a support system, someone, family, religion, philosophy? Well,if you have read my blogs, you know my belief,

"you may beat me,but I am not beaten. I cannot be defeated or beaten by anything or anyone. I will never,ever give in or give up. Even in death I am not defeated". But I do not know the source of this thinking. Perhaps it is innate for I am the descendant of homesteaders and have roots of bravery in my heritage. In any case, I pass on my philosophy to my descendants. I shout it for all to hear, sadly some did not and will not or could not hear. Will you?