Why? "Your mother is ok"

I remember when my mother died. She had a massive stroke at age 78 and a day later I was elected mayor of Pratt, Kansas. She was living in Arizona at that time, cared for by my sister,Iris. Now being elected mayor was not the biggest thing to ever happen, but I have always hoped that she understood what had happened as she lay in a coma. I know she would have been very proud. In any case she died the next day and my wife and I traveled to Arizona for a small service.

Of course I was distraught at that service and I should premise this with the fact that" my father died when I was 5(train collision). I spent much of my life thinking we are alone. I now know that is not true because of my family. My mother raised 3 children by herself, working 2 jobs. She uprooted us all so I could go to college. She was a great great woman. I give thanks".

I remember the minister approaching me and simply saying, "Your mother is ok." That simple sentence gave me a total feeling of relief. I should tell you that I was raised to go to Church, but I have had a life long conflict with religion. I finally figured it out one day. The all powerful, loving god that I had been brought up to believe in had allowed my father to die. It did not seem right.

My mother was cremated. I carried her ashes on to my flight back and buried them beside my father's grave at Agra, Kansas. Her site is marked by a headstone. In the end, they will be together.

A point that I want to make is my feeling about death

why fear death?

I remember the day when I realized I was going to die someday. I was maybe 10 or so. It hit me very hard. I was literally sick to my stomach for maybe 2 days. I struggled with the idea. finally at that young age(and after talking to no one) I came to a comforting conclusion(not religious). Life and then death is the way of the world. Look at any cemetery. All people face death. the thing is how do you deal with it. You can spend your time, your life worrying about a natural process or you can spend your life living. I am reminded of a story of a priest giving last rites to an 80 year old woman and she was weeping. "Why do you weep" asked the priest. She replied "I have never done anything". Her life had been lifeless. So I say to you do things, go places, take a risk or two. enjoy the moment. You can end this life crying or smiling, it will make no difference at the moment of death. And although I have seen terrible tragedy I will smile.

And when I die, I want you all to know that "I am OK"

Why? looking forward to the new year

Grandson, Jon Shaffer, after enduring two breaks in his right arm, a fragmented cartilage in his right knee, and approximately 6 months of no activity was cleared for sports by Dr. Latz in Kansas City yesterday.

So this will be a special Christmas for us. We want to thank all of you for your support over the past many months and wish an extra special Christmas for you and the very best new year. thanks Blue Thunder and Topeka Capitals. Jon has been in rehab for the past six weeks and will play basketball in January and is really looking forward to baseball in the coming months. Jon's grandfather, Kurt Heaton

From my blog

SATURDAY, JULY 24, 2010

Why? Can anyone explain why?

A about three and a half years ago, my grandson(age nine at the time)his brother(age 2) and my daughter found their father dead on the bedroom floor. He had been sick at home for a few days and refused to see a doctor. He had an enlarged heart, pneumonia, was very over weight and a heavy smoker. Now, even though he had the hue of death, his neck felt warm and can you imagine the trauma of the scene, the weeping, the sirens, the medics. Could he somehow still be alive? It turns out that the dog had been laying on his neck for several hours. Of course all this has marred the family for life. My wife and I immediately came to help and have been helping to raise the boys.

As a former coach, one of the first things was to get the oldest boy involved in sports. It turns out he is an exceptional athlete. He has all the tools, speed, quickness, hand eye coordination and heart. He has excelled in tackle football, basketball and baseball

And now for the kicker, While playing on an exceptional 11 and under baseball team this summer, he also went to a three week basketball camp. On the last day of the first week, he went in for the winning shot, The first thing Jon told me was "grandpa, I made the shot", but was knocked to the floor and broke his right arm just an inch from his wrist. what follow is a series of tweets I made concerning that event.

well, 11 year old broke his wrist at basketball camp today. Now no basketball camp, no summer sports camp and no baseball. very tough on him

At least my grandson has a waterproof cast. He will be able to go to the Y and swim. Cast to come off in 4 weeks and completely healed in 6

So our baseball coach tells our 11 year old grandson who has a broken arm, "you can still play". This kid has great speed and he can pinch run by rule for pitchers and catchers. He is excited and looks to pinch run several times a game. Perhaps he will play in the World Series after all.(actually a facebook entry)

incredible, but true, 20 days after a complete break of his right arm, my grandson, age 11, started at second base and went 2-3 at the plate.

incredible, but true 27 days after a complete break of his right arm, my grandson, age 11, went 2-3 at the plate against a 12major team brag

Grandson at 11&under baseball World Series at Saint Louis, Mo. They will play 7 games or so in the next few days. 5 yr old at home with us

After 2 great games my grandson broke his right wrist again on an elliptical trainer at the motel everyone in shock. Parents came to rescue

Sept, 2010

While practicing with the Blue Thunder football team, arm in a cast and hoping to play later in the year, Jon began experiencing severe pain in his right knee. He was diagnosed with a fragmented knee cartilage and was put in a full leg cast for six weeks to see if it would heal on its own. Thankfully he was young enough for this to occur and after 6 weeks of rehab we have arrived at the end of a difficult year.

Someone tell me why?

The answer? Life is tough and you have to be tough. I remind you of my philosophy that I have tried to instill in my grandchildren -

you may beat me, but I am not beaten. I cannot be defeated or beaten by anything or anyone. I will never,ever give in or give up. Even in death I am not defeated.

Why? “it will be ok” coaching following a legend

Early in my coaching career, I was an assistant football coach in Jr. High to a coaching legend. His name was "Red" Wade. A giant of man, six feet six, close to three hundred pounds. He had total control of the kids and did not lose a game in the five years I was assisting. We played some bigger schools and a few small area schools but the results were always the same. We won. When he retired, he was honored as the legend he was and I was named to take his place. I would have no assistant,(saving money) and would coach a squad of forty,all by myself.

I remember my first game, going to South Barber(a smaller, area school) and thinking that maybe I should start the "B" team and take it a little easy on them. We lost 20-0. It was a stunner. But at that level, if you have a true stud(and they did), he can dominate a game on both sides of the ball and he did. Our next game was at a tough school in Hutchinson, Sherman Jr High. We lost 7-0. Following a legend was proving to be impossible, embarrassing and if you didn't know, "even Jr High coaches can develop ulcers".

Now the problem was game three, Dodge City, a much larger school and a state contender every year. What to do, how to get back on track, how to get the team to believe. Well this is what I told the team. "We are going to score on the third play of the game". Now we had a reputation as a running team and what we we going to do was throw passes on the first two plays and on the third play run the "statue of liberty"(the quarterback goes back to throw and reaches back in a throwing position and a running back takes the ball a runs a sweep play}. We had a fast running back, named Kim Dover. I told them every day that Kim would score on the third play. Came game day, I was proved wrong, he scored on the fourth play.

We ran the two pass plays and Kim took the Statue of Liberty 50 yards down the side lines and stepped out of bounds on the five yard line. We scored on the next play, won the game and went on to win all the rest of the games that season. The first person in the dressing room to congratulate me was Red Wade.

Now for the kicker, the night before the game, I could not sleep. I was so worried about the team, my coaching, Dodge City. I has been on my mind all week. Laying there in the dark, following a legend, losing. not even able to score. Horrible indeed, at least from my view. Now what happened that night, I cannot truly explain, but around midnight and in the height of my agony a voice out of nowhere, gently said to me,"It will be ok". No, not in the room itself, but in my mind. Was it God?(I am an agnostic). I like to think it was my father(he died in a head on train collision when I was five years old). In any case I relaxed and fell immediately into a deep sleep. It was a moment I will never forget and now you know the"rest of the story".